如果两个人一起是要取舍，我选择了沉默...
我
承认自己是懦弱的
我
少了勇气
我
被曾今拖着走
而现在才了解其实问题不是在别人，是那个带着鸵鸟心态的自己，不愿面对现实的自己
心
有点伤
不知何时开始我介意
心
有点忐忑
是因为想拥抱更多
心
不被握牢
原来是不安把自己埋藏
我很傻，当你说祝福我时，心情竟然不是种喜悦或解脱；心是在淌血加刺痛，或许不知何时起我在意了你的思绪........
p/s : You might never read thru this, yet its just a lil piece of feeling i want to Release :)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
怎么说...
有点诸事不利，太多意想不到打击，是一连串那种。短短几个月，都来回的在死亡边缘游走，连续打击，心与身都处于虚脱状态。嗯！我超想大声嚎啕大哭，可是眼泪却怎么都挤不出，别人都觉得我很自在；有点lost又觉得自己没用，怎么那么容易就被击败。搞失踪是我常做的，老是看着Whr,what,how ，不管喜不喜欢我能力上却没能做些什么。大家的关心我感觉到，可是种种压力，我已经没办法呼吸了；对不起，也请原谅我的不负责任。
发生种种事迹，心是很疲累；老是说自己很想逃，缺少了那份勇气，只因不能再逃避。我选择了面对，就像你常说，辛苦也只是一阵子。可是为啥呢，本来不该对着电话另一头哭，每次拿起手机我就忍不住稀里哗啦眼泪止不住，说好了不能哭，我却无能的又再哭。也许好听就是宣泄，或者心的压力撑过头，所以进入了歇斯底里中。我也想为了理想而奋斗，这些话怎么说才行？如果有选择谁会想把全部的话卡在喉咙不能说。谁会想要花上好几十个小时就为了生活而忙碌,为了生活而歇斯底里的告诉自己不能倒下。突然领悟了，原来人在异乡就会特别孤单，特别无助。
老爱唠叨的我，习惯把不满与不愉快一口气呼噜的说，这次却不能对别人说。精神与心灵都背负了重担，快撑不住；对！我很想说痛快的诉说，可是说了别人不懂，那又为何要诉说。本来乐观的我，就爱盲目催眠，这次为什么会有无能为力的感觉。而我是否无动于衷，说走就走.....
发生种种事迹，心是很疲累；老是说自己很想逃，缺少了那份勇气，只因不能再逃避。我选择了面对，就像你常说，辛苦也只是一阵子。可是为啥呢，本来不该对着电话另一头哭，每次拿起手机我就忍不住稀里哗啦眼泪止不住，说好了不能哭，我却无能的又再哭。也许好听就是宣泄，或者心的压力撑过头，所以进入了歇斯底里中。我也想为了理想而奋斗，这些话怎么说才行？如果有选择谁会想把全部的话卡在喉咙不能说。谁会想要花上好几十个小时就为了生活而忙碌,为了生活而歇斯底里的告诉自己不能倒下。突然领悟了，原来人在异乡就会特别孤单，特别无助。
老爱唠叨的我，习惯把不满与不愉快一口气呼噜的说，这次却不能对别人说。精神与心灵都背负了重担，快撑不住；对！我很想说痛快的诉说，可是说了别人不懂，那又为何要诉说。本来乐观的我，就爱盲目催眠，这次为什么会有无能为力的感觉。而我是否无动于衷，说走就走.....
Friday, August 21, 2009
Confession
-Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies-
I always feel rather leave it Unknown instead of telling me the freaking god damn truth. While I'm shouting saying I'm really fine do you really feel I'm telling the truth ? Sigh...I lied ! I don't feel alright at all! Confrontation always hurt, I'll lose the trust toward that person and come along with the insecure feeling. So do you really feel that's GOOD thing for me ? No Way ! I don't feel that's the right way, I wish you could just kept it all no matter what or how. The purpose is simple and easy, just don't spread out single clue to let me suspect or end up knowing the fact.
Sorry I hurt you badly! Sorry is all I can says ! I'm trying so hard to keep it away from you; but why it end up disappointed to myself. Sadly, I learned another lesson; "everything happen for a Reason" , I can't change the fact that already exist. So, let it be is the only thing i could do; also I'll need to get rid of the bad feeling and move on toward my Goals! -- Bless needed-- \(^o^)/ begging mode ~~
I always understand the theory of -Life never go easy-, yet thanks for let me know what's the important thing in my life. Even though it's kinda cranky but i appreciated everything that i been thru! I know it wouldn't turn out better, that's the decision I've earlier. Although it's wasn't a right choice, the only things i can do is clear the mess and get my ass out of the deep mud shit! I shouldn't being pulling on and off, no longer turning back and feel regret. That's the decision i've made, and i'll need to be brave and face the Fact. Good luck for myself please get up and move my butt! --again I need Bless @(^.^)@ do you hear that ?
Ehm..I know need time to digest everything single lil thingy, I'm no longer living in the wonderland anymore. However,Thank You for waking me up! Although my dream fade away, but it motivated me to make a choice. So again the only thing i gonna says still Thank You!
=) keep Silent -end of story-
I always feel rather leave it Unknown instead of telling me the freaking god damn truth. While I'm shouting saying I'm really fine do you really feel I'm telling the truth ? Sigh...I lied ! I don't feel alright at all! Confrontation always hurt, I'll lose the trust toward that person and come along with the insecure feeling. So do you really feel that's GOOD thing for me ? No Way ! I don't feel that's the right way, I wish you could just kept it all no matter what or how. The purpose is simple and easy, just don't spread out single clue to let me suspect or end up knowing the fact.
Sorry I hurt you badly! Sorry is all I can says ! I'm trying so hard to keep it away from you; but why it end up disappointed to myself. Sadly, I learned another lesson; "everything happen for a Reason" , I can't change the fact that already exist. So, let it be is the only thing i could do; also I'll need to get rid of the bad feeling and move on toward my Goals! -- Bless needed-- \(^o^)/ begging mode ~~
I always understand the theory of -Life never go easy-, yet thanks for let me know what's the important thing in my life. Even though it's kinda cranky but i appreciated everything that i been thru! I know it wouldn't turn out better, that's the decision I've earlier. Although it's wasn't a right choice, the only things i can do is clear the mess and get my ass out of the deep mud shit! I shouldn't being pulling on and off, no longer turning back and feel regret. That's the decision i've made, and i'll need to be brave and face the Fact. Good luck for myself please get up and move my butt! --again I need Bless @(^.^)@ do you hear that ?
Ehm..I know need time to digest everything single lil thingy, I'm no longer living in the wonderland anymore. However,Thank You for waking me up! Although my dream fade away, but it motivated me to make a choice. So again the only thing i gonna says still Thank You!
=) keep Silent -end of story-
Saturday, August 15, 2009
无奈着....
妈呀！心里超不平衡
那能怎样...
狠狠呐喊，大声宣泄
有用吗？能让心情平复点？
还是能把所有心里的折腾一次解放吗？
想把自己自己封锁
静静一个人躲起来狂吃狂喝
可是为什么没有一刻的宁静
难道想松懈情绪也的被约束吗
可恶！可恨！可悲的我！
挫败的感觉竟是如此无奈...................
那能怎样...
狠狠呐喊，大声宣泄
有用吗？能让心情平复点？
还是能把所有心里的折腾一次解放吗？
想把自己自己封锁
静静一个人躲起来狂吃狂喝
可是为什么没有一刻的宁静
难道想松懈情绪也的被约束吗
可恶！可恨！可悲的我！
挫败的感觉竟是如此无奈...................
Friday, August 14, 2009
离开了....
经历风雨好像是我一贯的作风，心就算很沉，我还是要继续生活。这次的我真的不难过，跌倒了我还是要坚强的过。得承认，某程度上我是有点招架不住，不该抱怨；每个结局都是自己当时冲动的决定，而现在的我只是承受因该接受的结局。我也不明白，自己好像容易招惹是非，不管躲到哪里，它就像冤魂，纠缠不休。如果早知道这样，就不能为了任性而挥霍了时光；是不能后悔，不能为了犯下的错而做些什么。
Finally, 我到了PA; 22 hrs 的车程有点虚脱。一路From South till North 简直是另一个mission possible 跨越了Akansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia ; 有点不可思议却还是完成，至少此刻算是为了自己而努力, so Chicago 的 9 hrs 要挺下去，加油！不能梦游，不能发呆，不能被拦截，不能超速，不能危险驾驶，不管如何小心为妙，努力啊！
嗯突然感触，发觉America Dream 是很难实现，而我再也无能为力的享受左拥右抱的特权。我惟有鼓起勇气抉择了，或许这结局令人意外，或者别人摸不着，到头来那都不再是重点。我想为了自己，家人的感觉，那才最实际且踏实。我蹉跎了许久，起落的次数是无限次，也许你会认为我不够努力，或者你会觉得我是大小姐，在任性又不切实际。这秒，我不想再做无谓的解释，我想明白我的人会懂，这是绝对需要勇气。我不介意，你怎么看我，那没必要；我的生活到底精彩与否也与你无关，so Why I need to EXPLAIN. 嘴在别人的身上，就算被奚落，也无伤大雅；那只是过程，我不在乎，只因介意会拉扯我那不安的情绪，而一堆没必要的坏感觉也会不断滋长，那可是很累人。接受会是最好的结局，我也不讨厌这样的结果，至少我成长了不再被拖着走。
Tomorrow always another Brand New Day, so appreciate every single moment I've that's the best ever Gift in life. Cheer for the Good Day.......zet baby thanks for back me up! Cm old man thanks for always be there, you're the best k! Btw 谢谢众人的厚爱，我让大家瞎忙了几翻，让大家惊心胆跳了几夜。真的感动，也真的谢了，这段有血有泪的日子，我会铭记！我很爱很爱你们! Hugz from far far away ...... 我会珍惜脑袋里仅有的点点滴滴 :) ....
Finally, 我到了PA; 22 hrs 的车程有点虚脱。一路From South till North 简直是另一个mission possible 跨越了Akansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia ; 有点不可思议却还是完成，至少此刻算是为了自己而努力, so Chicago 的 9 hrs 要挺下去，加油！不能梦游，不能发呆，不能被拦截，不能超速，不能危险驾驶，不管如何小心为妙，努力啊！
嗯突然感触，发觉America Dream 是很难实现，而我再也无能为力的享受左拥右抱的特权。我惟有鼓起勇气抉择了，或许这结局令人意外，或者别人摸不着，到头来那都不再是重点。我想为了自己，家人的感觉，那才最实际且踏实。我蹉跎了许久，起落的次数是无限次，也许你会认为我不够努力，或者你会觉得我是大小姐，在任性又不切实际。这秒，我不想再做无谓的解释，我想明白我的人会懂，这是绝对需要勇气。我不介意，你怎么看我，那没必要；我的生活到底精彩与否也与你无关，so Why I need to EXPLAIN. 嘴在别人的身上，就算被奚落，也无伤大雅；那只是过程，我不在乎，只因介意会拉扯我那不安的情绪，而一堆没必要的坏感觉也会不断滋长，那可是很累人。接受会是最好的结局，我也不讨厌这样的结果，至少我成长了不再被拖着走。
Tomorrow always another Brand New Day, so appreciate every single moment I've that's the best ever Gift in life. Cheer for the Good Day.......zet baby thanks for back me up! Cm old man thanks for always be there, you're the best k! Btw 谢谢众人的厚爱，我让大家瞎忙了几翻，让大家惊心胆跳了几夜。真的感动，也真的谢了，这段有血有泪的日子，我会铭记！我很爱很爱你们! Hugz from far far away ...... 我会珍惜脑袋里仅有的点点滴滴 :) ....
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