这暑假，
过着浪迹天涯到处漂泊
封锁行踪，自闭3个月
过着没有工作，没有钱，没能逛街的日子
厚厚的肩不再沉重，可是心却往下坠
不是简单的言语就能完整地说明那超载的心
现在的我，
渴望下一个天亮前能看到日出晨光
看看那我喜欢的灯塔
说说心里的话
把拉扯许久的感叹一次解放
也许，
时间总是那么短暂
那指定的期限不容许我蹉跎
而再也没有什么借口让自己留
该来的还是要接受，而该舍弃的还是得放弃
这结束后，
我要踏实的回到现实中
自己比人落后，所以现在的我该往前冲
不能绝对不能幻想那两全其美
这次就算别人怎么批判我也不在乎
有时顾忌太多反而被拖着走
所以不听不理不介意
当个与世隔绝的木头人
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Can't Breath....
Feel kinda Blahhhh due to Awful days going on and off. I'm sick with all those decision things, no matter which way i choosed someone get hurt. And seriously I want to run far away from the problem, that's me Slacker style. Create problem , run away while i lost my path; this me selfish me.
I'm type of person that always forget to look over both side, either positve or negative. I don't even have the gut to make choice, so most of the time i'll just look over negative part, end up I din't realize actually the positive part did exist. Heck, thanks to those bad attitude i end up feeling heatic, annoyed so on with pissed........Seriously, I really try hard to chg my bad attitude, yet i think i do not put much effort on it so it still coming back to me Again and again. Cursing myself for being such an idiot and stuborn, I never listen to others just go on by my way. So now i got everything, what a mess for my life, I've no success thing in life, sound pathetic uh **regret·regret**
God! Can you give me a break ? I've enough bad feeling since the moment i choose the damn place! What i want is just a place that i can get a smooth breath, no more burden, no more stress, no more Over whelming days....... So God could you take all this msg and make it come true. I desprately need to get away from those SHIT!......
p/z : I found out something that kinda insulting, i've no idea who's that person talking about yet it kinda catch my attention n stab deeply into my heart. I could feel the pain and now it start bleeding ......NON Stop!!! ...
I'm type of person that always forget to look over both side, either positve or negative. I don't even have the gut to make choice, so most of the time i'll just look over negative part, end up I din't realize actually the positive part did exist. Heck, thanks to those bad attitude i end up feeling heatic, annoyed so on with pissed........Seriously, I really try hard to chg my bad attitude, yet i think i do not put much effort on it so it still coming back to me Again and again. Cursing myself for being such an idiot and stuborn, I never listen to others just go on by my way. So now i got everything, what a mess for my life, I've no success thing in life, sound pathetic uh **regret·regret**
God! Can you give me a break ? I've enough bad feeling since the moment i choose the damn place! What i want is just a place that i can get a smooth breath, no more burden, no more stress, no more Over whelming days....... So God could you take all this msg and make it come true. I desprately need to get away from those SHIT!......
p/z : I found out something that kinda insulting, i've no idea who's that person talking about yet it kinda catch my attention n stab deeply into my heart. I could feel the pain and now it start bleeding ......NON Stop!!! ...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Arggghhh ... argghhh....arghhh...
shouting from the damn place, i'm covered by mushroom , i'm terribly busy doing nothing. I slept 3am and awake at 1pm, i barely open my eyes b4 12pm. I know i've no right to complaint about this, i should feel thankful that being take care so well. However i feel "arghh...arghh...arghh" terrible!
I'm conscious to know that I shall not get panic @ this moment , although things go wild and my mood gone super duper up and down. This doesn't sound right to me, "miserable life" and i just Hate it ! However thanks for my slumber attitude, I didn't plan well earlier, so now end up going thru all this nightmare days. I feel struggling now, i don't know where to go what i'm doing or even what i can do! Yet, I know studying is important, with a bachelor degree mean nothing in this society. Especially with the god damn bad economic things gone worst than what i expected, on the other hand $$ always the issue that pulling ppl on and off, it even make my dream fade so far away. My confident start collapsing , everything that should be done never get done. I was super disappointed to myself, I should work harder on my to-do list, I should get rid of my god damn lazyness attitude.
In fact, at this moment i really don't know what i can do. Limited time frame, lot's of thingy need to be settled or solve. Either way i'll step into the deep shit mud, so please tell me WHAT can i do ? ..... Extremely EMO· Cranky·Undecided...@(*_____*)@
p/s : I think i should run far far away, and stay away from people. Things happen with reason, this sounds so right to me. Most important i'm always the main problem, so people don't get near to me....
I'm conscious to know that I shall not get panic @ this moment , although things go wild and my mood gone super duper up and down. This doesn't sound right to me, "miserable life" and i just Hate it ! However thanks for my slumber attitude, I didn't plan well earlier, so now end up going thru all this nightmare days. I feel struggling now, i don't know where to go what i'm doing or even what i can do! Yet, I know studying is important, with a bachelor degree mean nothing in this society. Especially with the god damn bad economic things gone worst than what i expected, on the other hand $$ always the issue that pulling ppl on and off, it even make my dream fade so far away. My confident start collapsing , everything that should be done never get done. I was super disappointed to myself, I should work harder on my to-do list, I should get rid of my god damn lazyness attitude.
In fact, at this moment i really don't know what i can do. Limited time frame, lot's of thingy need to be settled or solve. Either way i'll step into the deep shit mud, so please tell me WHAT can i do ? ..... Extremely EMO· Cranky·Undecided...@(*_____*)@
p/s : I think i should run far far away, and stay away from people. Things happen with reason, this sounds so right to me. Most important i'm always the main problem, so people don't get near to me....
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Proposal
向来看些Comedy电影就会有种不知名的感动，这部戏也不例外，看着剧情的起落心情也在不知觉中被牵绊着。要怪只得怪自己个性总是感性，就连看戏都会被感动到不行。你问我，是不是自己在经历这样的状况有所感触，我却无言以对；或许吧，为了身分而挣扎，而努力，而执着。。。内心的那道墙，逐渐变高；少了勇气去冒险，对于眼前的一切很保留。我知道那很不公平，用尽力气往前飞，可是心却还是在往下坠。这部戏，好像证明了凡是有那所谓的不可能。我是不是该把眼前的一切做下最好的准备，明天是否天晴，那故事完不完美，我也要珍惜它的美!
加油! 我要一定要更用心，等待下一个天亮，下一次璀璨烟火的来临；期望时间容许我去等待属于我的依靠 =)
Saturday, July 4, 2009
懒人手记：回忆里的七月...
不知从什么时候开始，我对七月是充满阴影；得坦荡荡的承认，我曾在这月份里挣扎，痛哭，颓废，唾弃自己。表面我说着“谁在乎，干我屁事”，内心啊在淌血，你问为何老是这么不争气我怎么懂啊!你以为我很爱这样，虐待自己的情绪，把自己日夜颠倒，封锁内心世界?Come on ! 我可是觉得难受死，人心肉做，谁被丢弃后还能无动于衷，开心地过活。吼！说总是可以很简单又潇洒，等到摊开心房要面对时，它就来闹情绪，一直不断的扯啊扯，甚至想把整颗心给撕开。
事隔多时，想了想那年这么介怀是自己接受不了无情的结束方式。每个人都一样吧，突然被放弃，然后要你忘记，谁都会歇斯底里的追根就底。可恶的人类还要非常死脑筋，对于某些事物会显然特别在意，而我就是那执着不休的小人，很在意的过了一年又一年。换个方式乐观点，也许回忆就是成长的代价，这种方式结束让日后的我变得无比的坚强又何尝不是好事。当对内心坦白就发现其实自己也没那么爱你，一直很介怀是没理由被放弃，所以才会很执意想要理想的答案。
现在明白了，有些事无需理由去证实；当他说爱你时，就是真心的爱你。可惜当感情里有了瑕疵，之间不再有共识时，就别再牵强的走下去。不管是什么理由，什么原因，分开了，就等于结束了；我就别想着有没有再见亦是朋友可言，只因分开了以后，我们不再有任何交际，我也只是路人甲而已。
我想，这些年想象你的一切时，才恍然发现你并不时普通的绝情，而我确实也没理由去介意。七月的心结是时候随他去吧！
事隔多时，想了想那年这么介怀是自己接受不了无情的结束方式。每个人都一样吧，突然被放弃，然后要你忘记，谁都会歇斯底里的追根就底。可恶的人类还要非常死脑筋，对于某些事物会显然特别在意，而我就是那执着不休的小人，很在意的过了一年又一年。换个方式乐观点，也许回忆就是成长的代价，这种方式结束让日后的我变得无比的坚强又何尝不是好事。当对内心坦白就发现其实自己也没那么爱你，一直很介怀是没理由被放弃，所以才会很执意想要理想的答案。
现在明白了，有些事无需理由去证实；当他说爱你时，就是真心的爱你。可惜当感情里有了瑕疵，之间不再有共识时，就别再牵强的走下去。不管是什么理由，什么原因，分开了，就等于结束了；我就别想着有没有再见亦是朋友可言，只因分开了以后，我们不再有任何交际，我也只是路人甲而已。
我想，这些年想象你的一切时，才恍然发现你并不时普通的绝情，而我确实也没理由去介意。七月的心结是时候随他去吧！
Friday, July 3, 2009
几分落寞
回到花花世界是已成定局的事实，而心翻越了几个秋还在茅盾里挣扎。或许从今后，会有那所谓的不同；只为了那个明白，我取舍了也决定了离开。悄悄地离开，放开了约束很久的不舍，那瞬间有股想哭的冲动，却要笑着对自己说你要撑住，不让眼泪流。
这些日子有点难熬，哥总说他很想我，妹也说别让自己难受了，而我确实很死脑筋。那夜老爸也给我打电话，嘘寒问暖担心那可恶的h1n1病菌还有那无奈的声音；心顿时有被撕裂的感觉，犹豫的思绪再次拉扯。我努力的想要坚持自己想走的路，不想走那回头路；哭泣的时候要对自己说那只是个考验，而我要坚强的撑住。不明白，为何还是有种无奈的情绪拉着我；情绪老是像过山车般，起起落落就是无法安静的过。
生活好像就是这样，没有一刻是平坦，也没有什么顺心顺意。直觉告诉我，越年长思绪就会变得越复杂，而我却如往常抱着那鸵鸟心态，只要不在视线范围一切都会是美好的-自欺欺人啊！当脑袋闹情绪是我就渴望自己变成零智商，至少想法变得简单，思绪不在昏乱....可是现实总是不如梦里那么美好，而醒来后还是要黯然接受.......惆怅叹息声~~~~
这些日子有点难熬，哥总说他很想我，妹也说别让自己难受了，而我确实很死脑筋。那夜老爸也给我打电话，嘘寒问暖担心那可恶的h1n1病菌还有那无奈的声音；心顿时有被撕裂的感觉，犹豫的思绪再次拉扯。我努力的想要坚持自己想走的路，不想走那回头路；哭泣的时候要对自己说那只是个考验，而我要坚强的撑住。不明白，为何还是有种无奈的情绪拉着我；情绪老是像过山车般，起起落落就是无法安静的过。
生活好像就是这样，没有一刻是平坦，也没有什么顺心顺意。直觉告诉我，越年长思绪就会变得越复杂，而我却如往常抱着那鸵鸟心态，只要不在视线范围一切都会是美好的-自欺欺人啊！当脑袋闹情绪是我就渴望自己变成零智商，至少想法变得简单，思绪不在昏乱....可是现实总是不如梦里那么美好，而醒来后还是要黯然接受.......惆怅叹息声~~~~
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